It all looks so different now
by pretentious-emo-kid
Summary: How can I look at anything the same way after this? Tony has to watch Kate tortured, and has trouble going back to normal afterwards, to her dismay. [Includes some torture, but only in the first chapter]. Tate.
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer - I own nothing. I am not making any profit. Please don't sue me.

I would like to emphasise that this story is not as angsty and depressing as this first chapter. It's mainly handling the aftermath of this event. Don't worry, I haven't started taking myself too seriously. Though, saying that, this is a far more serious story than any other NCIS fic I've done so far...

It's still Tate though, of course. ;)

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It can often happen with a traumatic event, that afterwards, the victim has trouble recalling details with any real degree of accuracy. Their memories are blurred and insubstantial. In place of facts and figures, people simply remember flashes of emotion and sensation. A smell, a touch, a scream…

That's how it was with Kate.

And for that, Tony envied her beyond comprehension.

_A flashback…_

"_She's hot," said the man. He was smirking, but his voice shook as he spoke._

_Tony strained against the ropes that bound him to the wooden chair, but his efforts were pointless. All he could do was growl incoherently__ from behind his gag._

_The man laughed insanely at him__. His face was etched with hysterical desperation. "What was that, agent DiNozzo?"_

_Tony didn't bother to try and answer. He simply slumped back in his seat, feeling the deep imprints in his wrists and ankles prickle painfully as the ropes peeled away from his skin. _

"_Don't worry about the ropes. They won't be bothering you for long," said the man, matter-of-factly._

_Tony did not even attempt to understand the man. Instead, he turned his attention to Kate. She was lying in an untidy ball in the far corner of the room. She still wasn't conscious. Through the dark curtains of hair over her face, Tony could make out the bruise on her forehead where the man had hit her with his gun. She hadn't woken since, and the slight rise and fall of her chest was all that reassured Tony that she was alright._

_The man followed Tony's gaze._

"_You agree? She's pretty gorgeous." He crossed the room, and knelt down beside Kate's unmoving form, clumsily stroking her hair._

_Tony now had one objective in his mind and that was for the son of a bitch in front of him to get his hands off of Kate. He tried intimidation. He strained angrily at the ropes again, shouting and yelling through the gag, but the man would not look or listen._

_Eventually, exhaustion and a raw, burning throat forced Tony to become still and silent again. He contented himself with two thoughts. One, Gibbs knew where he and Kate were, and must surely be on his way to check on them by now. Two, if the man was planning to harm them, or try and force information out of them, he was clearly waiting for Kate to wake up._

_He tried not to think about the word 'torture'._

_His new feeling of relative calm quickly evaporated when the man stood up and fetched some rope. Kate was no longer still, but was slowly sitting up. Groaning, she took her head in her hands, and gently massaged the rapidly darkening mark on her forehead. Taking advantage of her confusion, the man dragged her to a chair directly opposite Tony's, and secured her to it with the rope he had picked up from a small table that Tony hadn't noticed until then._

"_Tony? What's going on?" Her eyes were wide, and her head jerked rapidly from side to side, as she tried to take stock of the surroundings._

_Tony tried to comfort her, but it was difficult when he couldn't move or speak. He watched as she blinked hard a couple of times, her professionalism returning with her vision. She turned to face the man._

"_What do you want?" she asked._

"_I need to know what _you _know."_

"_If you're talking about the bomb, we don't know where it is," she said, earnestly, "And neither do our team."_

_The man shrugged as he untied Tony's gag. "I'm supposed to take your word for that, am I?"_

_Tony rotated his jaw a couple of times before speaking. "She's telling the truth! We have no idea!" His voice was hoarse, and his throat was still painful._

"_Shut up!" yelled the man, "I need to know for sure!"_

"_So what are you going to do?" asked Kate, "How can we prove it?"_

_The man did not reply, but stood in front of Kate, took a few steps backwards, and drew his fist back. In the fraction of a second before he lashed out, Kate and Tony's eyes met. She looked terrified._

_As his fist impacted with Kate's jaw, all three people in the room let out different cries. Kate yelled loudly with pain, tears springing to her eyes. Tony yelled in protest. This was worse than anything he had been imagining. Meanwhile, the man cried out in triumph. He studied his own fist, his eyes saying simply, I _can _do it!_

"_No!" shouted Tony. "We don't know anything!"_

_The man did not listen, and once again, his fist collided with Kate's face. He ignored her scream of pain, and turned to Tony._

"_What do you know?!"_

"_NOTHING! What sort of coward are you?!"_

_At his words, the man looked angry, and turned to Kate again. This time, he spread his hand out wide, and slapped the bruise from the gun. She cried out again._

"_We don't know anything!" Kate spat the words out desperately between sobs._

_The man hit her once more – this time, splitting her lip._

"_We don't know!" she sounded hopeless._

"_She's telling the truth!"_

_Tony watched the man. He was clearly beginning to believe them. Maybe he would stop, but what then? _

_Kate's head was slumped, and blood, sweat and tears slid to the floor from underneath her hair. The man lifted her head by the chin, and looked into her eyes._

"_What. Do. You. Know?"_

"Nothing_," she said again. She looked over at Tony, and he looked back. Neither said anything, but they took a little comfort from each other's eyes._

"_Right," said the man, "I've got no use for you then." He reached into his jacket, and Kate and Tony exchanged terrified looks._

"_Put your hands in the air!"_

_The man did so._

_Tony had never been so happy to see Gibbs._

Gibbs had placed the man under arrest as soon as he had dropped his gun, explaining that the team had found and disabled the bomb. McGee had hurried over to Kate, for whom the relief of being rescued and the numerous blows she had received had been too much for her body to handle. Once again, she had fallen into unconsciousness. The ambulance had been called, and the entire team now found themselves sat around her hospital bed as she awoke.

"Ow." Her hands crept towards her face, which was swollen and bruised.

"How are you?" asked Gibbs.

"Pain. Lots of pain."

Gibbs smiled sadly. "That's understandable."

"Did you find the bomb?"

"Yeah, but don't worry about that now. Just relax."

"So, what happened?"

"You don't remember?" asked Tony.

"I remember us searching the bomber's basement, and I remember…being tied up, I think, but that's about it."

Tony thought for a moment. "Good," he said eventually.

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Go on, you know you want to. Review, that is :) 


	2. The weaker sex?

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Hope you all like this chapter.

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Kate studied her reflection in the hand mirror. Very gently, she prodded the various bruises that covered her face, wincing as her fingers brushed the darkest patch on her forehead.

"You know, they generally hurt less if you don't poke them," said a voice from the doorway.

Kate let the hand mirror fall onto the covers, and turned to face her visitor. It was Tony who had spoken, but McGee was also with him, a bunch of daffodils in his hand.

"Hey," she said, smiling as brightly as she could manage without painful tears springing to her eyes.

"Hey," they both replied in unison.

"I brought you some flowers," added McGee, holding the daffodils up in front of him.

"Thanks, Tim," said Kate, "Stick them over on that table, would you?"

He did so.

"So how do you feel?" asked McGee.

"Well, the painkillers are working pretty well, but it still hurts – especially in the mornings." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "Speaking of mornings, aren't you two going to be late for work?"

"Yeah," said McGee, "But we didn't want you to think we'd forgotten about you. Anyway, Gibbs is less scary if there are two of you for him to get angry at."

Kate looked incredulous.

"Okay, well, a little less scary…slightly."

"Why else do you think I'd go anywhere outside of work with Probie?" said Tony.

Kate frowned, but it was not because Tony was being rude to McGee (yet again). It was because though Tony said it in his normal voice, and with his normal smirk, everything seemed somewhat…diluted. He wasn't grinning as much as usual, his voice had a strange edge to it that she did not recognise, and that she did not like.

"Well, I don't want to be the reason Gibbs kills you both. Thanks for the flowers, but you'd best be off."

McGee nodded, and briefly touched her shoulder in an affectionate way, before leaving the room. Tony went to follow him, but Kate leaned over and grabbed his wrist.

"Do you mind being a little later than you were planning?"

"McGee, I'll make my own way to work. Tell Gibbs I might be a bit late!"

He waited to hear McGee's affirmative reply, and drew up a chair.

"So what's so urgent then, Katie?"

There it was again. The ghost-like approximation of what Tony _should _be. He was grinning, but there was no real jest behind it. Kate decided to act as though it was normal.

"Call me Katie again, and Gibbs won't be the one you're worried about."

This time the grin looked a little more natural.

"Okay, agent Todd, what is it you want to discuss?"

"Well, I want to know what happened in the basement. It might not have been very nice, but it's not very nice to wake up with a load of bruises you don't remember getting, either."

For a moment, Tony felt worried, but then he realised what she was asking. Kate wanted to know how she had received each blow. She wanted to know what the bomber had been asking. She wanted the "who", "where", "when", and "why" of it all. She wasn't interested in how it had felt. She didn't want to hear how she had looked so little and scared as the bomber rained punches on her. She didn't want to know how she had cried, and desperately tried to tell him that she didn't know anything he didn't want her to. She wasn't interested in how she and Tony had exchanged looks of dread, as they had been about to face being shot.

It would be far easier doing what she wanted. Almost like writing up a report.

"Well," he started, "We were looking around the guy's basement. You were saying how attractive I was…"

"No such luck, Tony. I remember that bit."

"Can't blame a guy for trying. Okay, well we were looking around, and you were telling me how stupid I was. Then you made a weird..."yelp"ing noise…" Okay, so maybe not exactly like writing a report.

"Yelp?"

"Yes, a "yelp". Are you going to keep interrupting me?"

"Sorry."

"Anyway. I turned round to see what had bothered you, and you were on the floor, out cold."

Kate nodded. "He hit me with something."

"His gun. So, I got mine out, and started looking around. He must have been hidden behind those old mattresses. He came up behind me, and put his gun to my head. He tied me to a chair, and put a gag to my mouth."

"What then?"

"We waited for you to wake up. When you did, he tied you up while you were still dizzy. He needed to find out whether we knew where the bomb was. We said that we didn't but he didn't believe us, so he…"

"Hit me again?"

Tony didn't say anything, but he nodded.

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Tony was silently reliving the incident. Kate knew that Tony was silently reliving the incident.

"You know I'm okay, don't you?" she said, eventually.

Tony looked at her, and she smiled at him.

"I'm okay," she repeated.

"I know."

He was lying.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Tony didn't sleep at all that night. Just as he had not the previous night. Just as he was sure that he would not the next night.

As he stood in his dark kitchen, drinking from the first bottle he had grabbed from his fridge, which now turned out to be one of iced tea, he tried to figure out what was bothering him so much. After all, he had seen Kate hurt before. She was clearly okay, and didn't even remember what had happened. So, what was the problem?

Deep down, he knew. At heart, he was as old fashioned as Gibbs. He knew that Kate was a highly competent agent, but at times like this, she was first and foremost, in his mind at least, a woman. A woman he cared about. A woman who had, before his very eyes, been tied to a chair, and repeatedly hurt for information she didn't have. And he had been helpless to stop.

He grinned darkly at himself. Kate was lying in hospital recovering from torture, and he was worried about his masculinity. She'd go nuts if she knew what he was thinking.

"Women do not need to be protected, DiNozzo! I can look after myself!"

It was almost as if she were in the room.

"It's hard to keep remembering that," he whispered back.


	3. Of beer, baths, and nightmares

Thanks again for your reviews.

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Tony whistled as he walked through the doors of the hospital, winking at a hot nurse. 

The performance even had him convinced.

Until he got to Kate's room.

"I think you may have the wrong room, young man," smiled the woman in the bed. She was about sixty, and her right leg was heavily bandaged. She looked down at the chocolates in his hand. "Though, if I was thirty years younger…"

He quickly made his apologies, and left.

"Nurse…nurse! Where's agent Todd?"

"Agent Todd?"

"She was in that room over there." He pointed. "Where is she now?"

The nurse frowned for a moment. Then realisation lit her face up. "Agent Todd, I remember her. She discharged herself this morning."

"But she wasn't supposed to go home until tomorrow."

"She insisted on leaving today. There was a big car accident this morning, and we were already pretty full. She wanted to free up her bed. We tried to persuade her not to, but she wouldn't listen."

Tony sighed. "Yeah, she can be stubborn like that." Try insisting-on-staying-in-the-same-room-as-a-contagious-plague patient stubborn.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Kate sighed happily, as she watched the hot water pour into her bath. She hadn't had time for a bath in, well, it had been weeks. Showers might be quick and easy, but you couldn't beat a bath for pure relaxation. Slipping off her socks, she dipped her toe in the rapidly rising water, and smiled as warmth spread up her leg, right to the top of her head. Smiling widely, she reached down to the hem of her sweater and started to pull it off.

So of course, it was at that moment that the doorbell rang.

"_No_. That's not fair," she groaned to herself. She was severely tempted to simply ignore it, but then she realised that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to go AWOL when she'd just discharged herself prematurely from hospital. Damn her sensibility!

Very reluctantly, she leaned across and turned the faucet off. Then she made her way to the front door. Whoever was on the other side was now knocking urgently.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" she murmured irritably.

It was Tony.

"You discharged yourself early? Are you stupid?!"

"Good evening to you too, Tony."

"I'm being serious, Kate. You should be looking after yourself."

"I am. Tony, did you come round for any particular reason? Or, was it just to 'do a Gibbs' on me?"

_I came round…_

_Because…_

_To protect you…?_

"Just wanted to seem mature…While I'm here, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Who are you, and what have you done with Anthony DiNozzo?"

"Well, if that's the way you feel about it…"

He turned to leave.

"Fine! If I give you some money, could you pick up some shopping for me?"

He stopped walking, but still did not turn to face her.

"_Please_."

"That's better. What do you need?"

"Normal stuff. You know, milk, coffee, bread, a few pieces of fruit."

"Wow, don't go wild there, Kate."

"Look, are you going to do it, or not?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll get my purse."

"Don't worry about that."

"I can't let you pay as well."

"I know. I meant you can pay me when I get back."

"Oh, you're such a gentleman."

"Shut up and have your bath."

"How did you know I was running a bath?"

He checked a list off on his fingers. "I heard the water running while I was waiting for you to answer, you have no socks on, and man, were you grouchy when you opened the door. Logical deduction."

"Goodbye, Tony."

"Bye."

She shut the door and grinned to herself.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Kate didn't know what was wrong. The water was hot, the oils she'd used smelled good, the dim room was beautifully lit in dancing candlelight, and she had some soft acoustic music on in the background.

Why couldn't she relax?

Actually, now she came to think about it, she knew exactly what was wrong. She knew that at any moment, DiNozzo could knock on the door and catch her in nothing but a towel. It would be the wet t-shirt photo all over again. Worse, in fact.

And of course, there was always the possibility that he wouldn't knock, that he'd let himself in somehow, and "accidentally" walk in on her naked.

The thought was not tempting.

Sighing for the second time that evening, she pulled the plug, and watched her long-anticipated bath disappear down the drain.

Hurriedly, she dried herself, pulled on her biggest, baggiest pyjamas, and desperately tried to tame the worst kinks in her damp hair. After that was done, she was at something of a loss as to what to do. She'd been planning on falling into bed after her bath and spending the rest of the night pretty much comatose. Unfortunately, that plan was shot to bits now. Nothing on TV interested her, she couldn't prepare any food until Tony arrived with it, there was no cleaning to do, and she was between books at the moment.

So, she found herself sat cross legged on her sofa, in a silent apartment. She wanted to be mad that Tony had messed up her evening's plans, but as he was out doing a favour for her, she couldn't even do that.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

"Thanks, Tony."

"You're welcome. D'you want me to come in and help you unpack?"

"Whoah there. Not too many good deeds in one night."

Tony grinned and pushed his way through, taking the bags back out of her hands as he went.

Together, they rooted through the bags, Kate pointing out where various bits and pieces went in her kitchen. She couldn't help noticing that he'd bought far more than she'd asked for, and something about his personality that evening told her that he'd be charging her far less than it had actually cost.

"Tony?" she said, holding up six bottles of beer, and looking quizzically at him, "I…er…appreciate the thought, but I can't drink alcohol with the painkillers."

"Oh, they're mine. Shall I put them in the fridge?"

"What?"

"I figured I'd spend the night," he said brightly.

"What?! No!"

"Well," he protested, in his smoothest voice, "If the mountain won't come to Muhhamad…"

"What? Tony, how many of those beers did you have _before _you got here?"

"I mean," he said, sidling up to her, "If you insist on discharging yourself early…"

"Oh, I get it. Tell me, Tony, when did you qualify as a doctor?"

"I just meant I could keep an eye on you."

She was going to turn round and once again question his alcohol content, but then she heard it again. The Tony-but-not-quite voice. If it would make him go back to normal, to realise that she was quite definitely okay, well, it couldn't hurt.

_I don't need babysitting!_

"You're sleeping on the couch, and if you come within ten feet of my room, I'll feel no reservations about shooting you."

Tony stuck his palms in the air.

"As if I would!"

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Tony woke from the first proper sleep he'd had in the past three days, to hear screams coming from Kate's room. Flinging off the blanket she'd given him, he raced through the hallway to her room.

"We don't know anything! We don't know anything!"

Tony flung the door open, and saw Kate tangled in her covers, shouting exactly as she had done in the basement. She was still asleep. He remembered something he'd heard about people only remembering dreams if they woke up in the middle of them. It wouldn't be hard to nudge her awake.

Maybe they'd be able to talk about it, and the Kate who'd been in the basement would be able to tell him that she was fine. That they were Tony and Kate, and of course everything was still normal.

But, he didn't. Because they _were _Tony and Kate, and he cared too damn much about her, to see her deal with remembering that.

So, he quietly padded back to the sofa, and folded one of the pillows round his head and over his ears.

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	4. The Truth

Extra big thanks to reviewers this time, because I was becoming frustrated with this, and thinking of forgetting about it, but you changed my minds. THANK YOU!!!!!

Usual disclaimer applies.

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"What is it with my stubborn ass team, and coming back to work way too early?" asked Gibbs, incredulously.

"Oh come on, Gibbs," protested Kate, "A couple of bruises are hardly the same as the plague!"

"Kate, what colour are your eyes?"

Kate frowned confusedly. "Brown."

"No, I was talking about the fact that they're both still black."

She sighed. "Look, I'm back whether you like it or not. Either give me something to do, or put up with me being as loud and Tony-like as I can manage."

"I could just have you removed from the building."

She had no answer to that one.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

"So he didn't get you dragged out by security then?"

Tony and Kate were stood in the elevator. They were both on their way to see Abby. Tony, because of a case they were working on. Kate, because she needed her to verify something in one of the dozens of files of paperwork Gibbs had given her to sort through, as opposed to doing something that could, in any way at all, possibly put her in harm's way.

"No, but I'm starting to wish he had. At least I could take out some of my rage in a fight with them."

"Now, that's not a very constructive attitude."

"I'd shut up DiNozzo, the rage is still there."

Tony took the hint.

They stood in silence for a second or two. Just before the elevator doors slid shut, a youngish guy slipped through them, and stood next to Kate. Tony recognised him as the new probie on another one of the teams. He shook his head. He could have sworn the agency had started hiring honest-to-God teenagers.

It took him a few moments to realise that the…_kid _was staring very attentively down Kate's shirt. He looked in disbelief at Kate, but she was obliviously studying the file in her hand, absent-mindedly trailing her fingers over one of the button-holes on her top in a way that was making the probie's eyes light up hilariously.

Except that Tony wasn't finding it hilarious. He tried to ignore what was going on. It was fairly innocent, and of course, the sort of thing he had done himself to Kate a hundred times before (far less innocently!), but he could hear only one voice in his head.

"_She's hot."_

"_You agree? She's pretty gorgeous."_

Clenching his jaw, and keeping his balled fists pinned firmly at his sides, he reminded himself that Kate was fully capable of looking after herself, and that the guy almost definitely wasn't planning anything unsavory, but he just…couldn't.

"Look, she came in here to get to another floor, not to get stared at by some spotty kid!" he said loudly, walking to face the guy, and force him into a corner of the elevator.

"Tony, what are you doing?!" asked a thoroughly shocked Kate.

"He was staring down your shirt," explained Tony. He was still being loud enough for the probie to look as though he was about to wet himself, but Kate knew him well enough to know that he also sounded slightly sheepish.

"Right," said Kate, positioning herself between the men. "_You_," she turned to Tony, "Calm down! And you," now she turned to the other guy, "Go…buy a magazine."

"Yes ma'am," said the guy, quietly.

The elevator doors opened.

"This your floor?" asked Kate.

"No."

"Yes, it is," she said.

"Oh, right. Yeah. See you around," he babbled as he hurried out of the doors.

When they shut again, Kate hit the emergency stop.

"Okay, Tony. We _have _to talk about this."

"Talk about what?" he asked, as innocently as he could manage.

"You know exactly what I mean! Ever since the _torture _thing, you've been different." Her voice became quieter, as she watched him desperately trying to arrange his face into a passive expression. "Look, Tony. I don't know what you're going through. I don't know why you're suddenly acting so strange, but I hate it. Normally, I'd be dancing on the tables at you being so polite, and helpful, and quiet, but I'd happily let you throw whatever you wanted at me, if it meant that you didn't sleep on my sofa to make sure I'm okay at nights, and you didn't shout at people who were innocently checking me out. I'm a big girl now."

"No, you're not!" Tony couldn't hold it in any longer. "We're _special agents_, and yet that bomber managed to do whatever he wanted! You want to know what it was like down there? You were lying about six feet away from me. You weren't moving! You were like a corpse or something! He was touching you, and leering at you like…And you looked so little and helpless like a doll or something! And he tied you up so your face was almost as close to mine as it now, and stood there and hit you. And every time his fist hit your face, I heard it three times. I heard as it hit you, I heard you scream, and I heard him _laugh_! And you, well, your head was all floppy, and you were crying and crying, and we kept trying to tell him that we didn't know anything, but he didn't listen! And now, I have to face you, and look at you, and pretend that it's all the same, and that I don't want to kill the guy that hurt you, and I'm struggling with it, Kate! I can't do it!"

And with that he started the elevator back up again, and stormed out.

Kate watched him leave, and once again hit the emergency stop. This time, it was so that no one would see as she slid down the floor of the elevator, slumped on the floor, and sobbed.

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Please review. You now have proof of how imprtant it is. x


	5. Screwed

I'm so, so, so sorry for leaving you waiting so long for this chapter, and sorry that it's so short, and uneventful. The next chapter is the big climax of the story, and then I will probably add another one wrapping everything up. I've just been bitten by author's self-loathing-of-work, where I read everything I write, and sigh. Should clear itself up soon. I have an action/adventure fic on its way that's shaping up pretty well, so maybe I'm not doomed to FFF forever (medical condition more commonly known as 'fan fiction frustration') Lol. x

* * *

Kate realised that this was another one of AWOL situations she should be avoiding. So, she pulled herself back up, wiped her eyes, and started the elevator again.

She even managed a smile.

Until she got to Abby.

It was at that moment that moment that a farting hippopotamus landed in her arms.

"You look like you could do with a hug," explained Abby. Spookily, she had not once glnaced up from her microscope.

"Thanks, but I'd prefer one from you."

Abby walked over and wrapped her arms around Kate in a grip that was almost rib-crushing.

"Tony's just been in here, and he was in a horrible mood too. What happened?"

"Oh, Abs…" And she told her the entire story, including the events of the previous night. "…And now he knows on one level that I'm okay and that I don't need protecting, but actually accepting that, and leaving me to my own devices is way too hard for him. What am I going to do? I hate this so much. Why can't everything just go back to normal?"

"Because, in this kind of job, it can't be normal. You know that. Tony had to watch something that no one should see. Whatever you do, that's not going to change overnight."

"I can't just leave it, though. This is serious. He could end up endangering his own life to help me do something I'm fully capable of dealing with myself. And that could indirectly endanger other people's lives. I need to do something about it."

"Talk to him. It's all you can do. Just sit down, and talk. Remind him that you're a kick-ass special agent who's an expert at protecting people – _including _yourself."

Kate wished that it was as simple to do as Abby made it sound.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Tony arrived home that evening feeling somewhat relieved. He had managed to avoid Kate for the whole day since the elevator argument, and it was Friday, so he could pretend the problem didn't exist for another two days. He tried not to think about Monday morning. He was embarrassed at his outburst. Not only had he harshly reminded her of something he had sworn to himself that he would never help her remember, he had also revealed far more of himself, and his emotions than he would have liked to. He swung a frustrated kick at his sofa. Why couldn't everything go back to normal?

_Ding dong._

Sighing, he glanced in the mirror, put on his best smirk, and answered the door. He definitely wasn't expecting Kate to be on the other side of it.

"Hi," he said, surprise plastered all over his face.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Sure."

She caught a glance of herself in the mirror on the wall, as she entered the entrance hall. So much for the 'confident and independent' look she'd been aiming for. Apprehension at the uncomfortable talk she knew was coming had curled her shoulders into a nervous hunch, and she had stretched the sleeves of her jacket long, tightly gripping the ends in her clenched fists.

"Are you okay, Kate?"

"Yes!" The word came out louder than she expected it to.

And it was a lie.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No, don't apologise, Tony. I'm not okay. Not at all."

They stood silently regarding each other. Eventually, Tony spoke.

"We're screwed, aren't we?"

She didn't laugh. It was unfortunate phrasing, but the gist of it was completely true. She had spent so long wondering how to fix the situation, it had never crossed her mind that it couldn't be fixed. She nodded slowly, and for the second time that day, felt tears well up in her eyes.

Tony reached out to comfort her, but she pulled away, and muttering apologies, she went back out the door, and broke into a run. He contemplated following her, but he knew she wouldn't thank him for it. Instead, he simply shut the door, and taking his head in his hands, exhaled deeply. It didn't work. He thumped the wall, angrily. One day, he thought, they'd talk, and neither would feel the need to run away.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Kate didn't allow a single tear to fall all the way to her car. It was only once she was inside, that she allowed herself to yell loudly, and slam her hands on the steering wheel. The gesture earned her a nervous look from a passing man. She resisted the urge to shout at him, and started the engine.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Tony ignored the knocking at his door. He was only interested in seeing one person that evening, and he was fully aware that she was not the one calling.

"Tony, are you in? You forgot to pick up your mail"

It was Helena from downstairs. He continued ignoring her.

A second or two later, a familiar looking envelope slid under the door.

The date for the bomber's trial.

* * *

Press the button and brighten my day. :) Oh, and hope you're all enjoying your summer. I lurve summer. :D 


	6. The Trial

Okay, first things first: I am SO sorry for being a crappy updater, it's just that, for various reasons that needn't be gone into here, this has been a bit of a crazy summer for me, and writing was just not something I was in the right frame of mind to do. I understand if you have all lost complete interest in this story, but the few of you haven't (i.e. those with patience to rival the best saints) hope you like these last couple of chapters.

Sorry again. :)

* * *

The flimsy polystyrene cup shook so much in Tony's hands that the water did not so much trickle down his wrists, as pour down them. Sighing at his own frayed nerves, he fought to grip the object more firmly, before completely abandoning the useless attempt and contenting himself with trying to wring the excess moisture from his shirt cuffs. 

The words were still whirling round his head, screaming at him.

"_How do you plea?"_

"_Guilty, your honour."_

The single sentence had brought him more relief than he could ever have imagined, and yet, now he found himself a nervous wreck. He suspected it was something to do with the anxiety had been bottling up for the past week. The thought of having to stand in front of a room of strangers and tell them what he had seen happen to his Katie, well, it had terrified him. Finding out that he no longer had to do it had not eradicated that fear, it had just released it.

"Tony?"

Tony's head snapped up at the sound of the voice he recognised, but certainly hadn't expected. On account of Kate's amnesia, she had not been required as a witness, and had decided against attending the trial, claiming that it would not have offered her any sort of closure, as far she could tell. Yet, here she was, just feet away from Tony. He took a couple of seconds to compose himself before speaking.

"What are you doing here?" Perfect, his voice barely shook.

"I got your message," she replied, holding up her cell phone. Tony remembered how long it had taken his trembling fingers to compose the simple message in question: PLEA: GUILTY. "When's sentencing?"

"Couple of minutes."

They were both silent for a while, before Kate spoke quietly. "I want to watch it. Will you…will you come with me?"

"Are you…?"

"Don't ask me if I'm sure, because even I don't know that." She smiled sadly.

Tony considered it. Nothing tempted him more than to run away from the court as fast as he could and forget that the bomber and his deeds had ever existed. On the other hand, he couldn't let her go in alone. "Yeah. I'll come with you."

"Thank you."

NCIS NCIS NCIS

They sat close to one another, each desperate for some kind of anchor to normality. They were so tightly pressed together, that Tony could feel pressures on his flesh from the protrusions of her hip and shoulder. They fit together awkwardly, but the discomfort was strangely reassuring. Almost unconsciously, Kate slipped her hand into Tony's, and they both smiled slightly as they acknowledged their mutual clamminess.

"Nervous?" he asked.

"Terrified," she answered with a quick grin.

And then he was led in.

As Kate watched the bomber walk into the courtroom, she could hear nothing but her own tortured breathing. He was smaller than he had imagined, but now that she considered it, he could hardly match the ferocious giant that had dominated her nightmares recently. He looked around him, and as his eyes met hers, all the light seemed to leave the room, and the hollow eyes of her own person demon were all she could distinguish in the blur of her own terror. She could feel a thousand fists rain down on her, and suddenly, the bruises that had been such a mystery to her, mad perfect sense. She was in the basement again, and she was going to die.

And then, out of nowhere, there was Tony, pulling her out of the blackness, his fingers interlaced with hers, his other hand gently turning her head to face his. His were the eyes she stared into, and she found that she could breathe again.

Tony watched as the fear left her eyes, and understanding crept over her features. He let her burrow her head into his shoulder, and held her as she shuddered with silent sobs.

In the end, neither of them heard the sentence.

* * *

There will be one final chapter after this one, called, 'A Picnic'. 

Anways, hope you like it. Please leave me a review if you did. Or if you didn't. Just review, I guess. :)


	7. A Picnic

Okey dokey, final chapter, peeps. I'm actually pretty proud of this story, and I hope the end doesn't disappoint you guys.

Usual end-of-story 'thank you!!!' to everyone who reviewed me. Means a lot to me every time you do.

Without much further ado…

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"You look tired," said Tony, sympathetically. Kate frowned at him for a moment, trying to detect sarcasm or jest, but he seemed earnest enough.

"It's been a rough week," she explained, sighing, and running her hands through her hair, wearily.

Tony grinned in agreement, and for the first time that day, Kate's fatigue disappeared completely. The smile was small, and a little sad, but it was Tony, and it was real.

"Well," he said, "If you can stand to stay awake a few more hours, you can come on a picnic with me, after work."

"When you say, I _can_ come…?"

"I mean, I want you to."

"What's the magic word, Tony?"

"Abracadabra?"

"Ha ha ha."

"_Please, _Katie?"

She frowned and threw a pencil at him, then nodded in a grumpy, but affirmative reply.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

"When you said picnic…"

"You didn't figure I mean picnic 'Tony-style', did you?"

Kate laughed. They were sprawled on the grass of the nearest park to the office, sharing a take-out pizza that Tony had just picked up. Though, by this point, it was fairly late in the evening, it was still remarkably warm and light, even for the summer-time. Kate couldn't help but muse, as she lazily glanced up at the sky, that it was an example of their long overdue good fortune.

"Still, the garlic bread was a real classy touch," she smirked.

"Are you patronising me, Katie?"

"Tony, for the last time, my name is _not _Katie!"

"Well, technically, it isn't Kate, either," he countered, childishly.

Kate glared at him, but she couldn't stop her lips from smiling – it was too lovely an evening. "You know, I'm not afraid to empty this soda over your head."

"Remind me never to buy you dinner again then, if that's how you show your gratitude."

Kate rolled her eyes.

"So," she said, "Why did you ask me to come? Presuming you had some other motive than stuffing me full of food that's really bad for me."

Tony put his pizza slice down on the box, and turned to face her. "I figured we needed to get some things talked through, and sorted out."

"I agree," replied Kate.

"So, so you want to go first then, or shall I?"

Kate didn't answer, and instead, launched straight into the words she had been bottling up for weeks. "I'm sorry I was so impatient with you. I guess, even though I still don't really remember much, I understand more now. I know it's been hard for you, but it really is important that you don't treat me any differently. I'm still me, and I don't need worrying about any more than I did before. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for you."

Tony shook his head. "No, I don't need you to do anything for me. I was being selfish, I was so obsessed with how what happened made me feel, that I didn't stop and think that perhaps it would be best for you to forget the whole thing."

"You don't need to think about me before yourself, Tony."

"And still I do," he replied quietly.

There was nothing she could say to that, so they didn't speak for a while. Eventually, Kate started, "Tony, you know, I –"

"I know," he interrupted quietly, "But, I still…there are all these images in my head that I can't forget. Not straight away."

"Well," said Kate, quietly, "Maybe we need to put some different images in there."

She kissed him softly and briefly, and as she pulled away and searched his eyes, she found them to be full of promise.

* * *

Sorry if that ending wasn't entirely your cup of tea, but I didn't think that a really happy, lovey dovey ending would have been at all realistic. 


End file.
